In school, I was a shy kid. I am shy even today, but I have learned to pretend as the situation demands. I vividly remember that day in my 3rd Standard. It was a short recess. A senior boy from 4th grade came to me and said I owe him 50 paise. And if I didn’t give it back to him the next day, he knows what to do. That boy was known for his fights in school and he was very aggressive in his demand. From that short recess till the time I went home and shared this to my parents, I was not just scared but also disturbed. I knew it very well that I don’t owe him any money. I had never interacted with him ever before, so there was no question of borrowing the money. Yet, the demand was real, so was my fear. For me then, that was power. To get what you want, when you want and the way you want. That's Power. Refereeing to that incidence, I can now see retrospectively how I started considering dominance, aggressiveness and authority as power and my relationship to these things became that of submission, surrender and suppression.
How this sub-conscious thought ruled my life? Anyone who had “that power” started becoming a cause and its effect on me was lack of self-expression. I avoided interaction with anyone who looks or acts aggressive, dominating and is in a position of authority. Teacher, officer, security guard, shopkeeper, postman or anyone whom I made fit in that position of power - which I had only created.
Impact of this had manifolds. At an emotional level, it was ongoing stress and anxiety. At a mental level, it was a continuous work for the mind to find ways to avoid interactions and still find way to get out of these situations. On the physical front, it showed up in the forms of avoiding eye-contacts and an unexplainable strain on the body to openly hide everywhere.
This is what power is not. Power is not position, power is not aggression. Power is not dominance, power is not suppression.
Power is not position, power is not aggression. Power is not dominance, power is not suppression.
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